I heard my Dad’s old Saturn pull up into the drive way,
as Barbie and Ken played out a great story I had created. As soon as I heard
the old front door creak open, I ran upstairs and jumped into my Dad’s arms. It
was time for “Birdy”.
In order to explain “Birdy” fully, I must first tell you
about my personality as a little kid. My mom always said that when she gave
birth to me, I came out doing somersaults. I used to get in trouble for jumping
on my bed long after my parents tucked me in. I spent hours jumping on the
trampoline. I used to find secret ways to get on the roof of my house even
though my parents told me not to. Every adult always said, “You are such a
little monkey”. I once jumped onto a big lamp hoping I could swing on it but
instead it came crashing to the ground. I was put into gymnastics during
preschool and automatically excelled. I was always happy and was so spunky and
active. I would fall asleep doing just about anything and my dad had to carry
me to bed almost every night. I had the wildest imagination. I would spend
entire days as a cat or a princess. I was not an ordinary kid. I could fly.
In order to practice my flying abilities, I decided I
would play “Birdy” every day. As soon as my dad got home from work, he would
proceed to the bottom of our six-stair landing and I would back up into the
kitchen, run about 15 feet to the edge of the top stair, jump off, and flap my
little wings as hard as I could. My dad would always be at the bottom to catch
me-which kind of annoyed me because he was stopping me from truly experiencing
my flight. I then ran back up the stairs and repeated the process multiple
times. I was close to being able to fly on my own. Even gravity couldn’t hold
me back. I was determined to succeed. It was time to take off.
On the day of departure, I prepared myself for my
journey. Without anyone in my family knowing, I took a running leap off the
stairs and flapped as hard as I could. Not quite as hard as a hummingbird but more
like a sparrow. For a couple moments it
was pure bliss. I looked down and I could see the tiny buildings and cars
driving by. I looked up and I saw the clouds, puffy and white. And then, it
happened. I realized I was falling. I flapped my wings even harder, but to no
avail. I saw the brown carpet coming closer and closer. Gravity got the best of
me and I fell, hit the 4th stair, and tumbled all the way down
(which is quite a far way for a 4-year-old). As I lay at the bottom of the
stairs in a crumpled heap, head throbbing, I felt defeated. Why hadn’t it
worked? Were my wings not strong enough? Drowning in my own thoughts, I did not
even notice my dad patting me on the back. “Chorus, why did you jump down the
stairs?” Lip quivering and chin trembling I replied, “I…I thought I could fly”.
Once
my dad knew I was all right, he proceeded to chuckle. My faced turned red. I
was both embarrassed and angry. My dreams were crushed. I couldn’t fly. In my
mind, I had imagined myself as a bird, therefore I was a bird. I had told
myself I could fly so many times that I began to believe it was true. Was I too
gullible and naive? No I do not think that is it. I had great confidence. I had
dreams and I always tried to shoot for the stars. This experience defined my outlook
on life.
Although
this experience taught me that I cannot literally fly, it represented what I
strive to be every day. Throughout my life, I have always tried to be the best
I can be. I earned good grades in school
and I exceled in sports. In high school, I was an amazing singer, cross country
runner, and tennis player. I fought for things like a great ACT score or the
internship I received at a hospital in my hometown. I strived to do everything
I could to get accepted into BYU and succeeded. I am now doing everything I can
to be accepted into the nursing program and after that, to be the best nurse I
can possibly be. It has been ingrained in my brain from a young age that I can
do anything I set my mind to.
I
have always been confident. It is part of who I am. I always knew I could do
big things. When given the opportunity to sing a solo in front of hundreds of
people, I took it. When given the chance to jump out of a plane, I did it. I
know I can succeed if I just set my mind to something. Even as a little kid I
knew I could fly. At that time, I thought it was literal but as I grew older I
found it was more metaphorical. I started running cross country in high school
without ever having run before. I wanted to learn how to play the ukulele so I
got one for Christmas and have been practicing since. I hate being told I
cannot do something. This has become very helpful throughout my life as I have
done hard things.
During the winter of my sophomore year, I
really started to struggle with anxiety. There was one particular weekend in
January that I lost about 15 pounds in 3 days. I could not eat because my
anxiety made me feel physically sick. None of my pants fit. Even with a belt,
the pants I could wear in 6th grade were falling down. I knew I
needed help. With the help of my parents, I scheduled an appointment with a
psychologist. I did what she told me to and took the medicine she prescribed. I
made sure I never stayed home from an activity for fear that I might have
anxiety. I have had friends and family members with anxiety who refuse to take
their medicine because they want to be “normal”. I understand that the only way
I can be “normal” is to take my medicine. While they struggle through their
anxiety, I am doing great and haven’t had anxiety as bad as that one weekend in
January ever since. Today I can proudly say I have almost completely beaten my
anxiety.
From
the very beginning of my diagnosis, I knew I could get better if I really tried.
I did everything I could to help myself. Even in the midst of this trial, I
still had my “bird” mentality that I could do anything I set my mind to. Although
this was just one trial of many that I have gone through in my life, this
mentality of never giving up and flying as high as I can has helped me
immensely. I know that no matter what life throws at me, I can get through it
with a smile.
Despite the hardships of my life, I have
always tried to have a positive and happy outlook. One of my favorite quotes
says, “I’m looking up because that is where I want to be”. My desire to fly as
a little kid was just an analogy of my life. Jumping down the stairs and
flapping my wings was just the beginning.
